Today I had my feedback from my tutor on improvements of my outline so far, these were the major points in which I have acted on:
1) Adding a longer ending: I have added an ending where Janet and Liam are greeted with military and we end the film knowing they are safe for now. However Rick’s whereabouts are still unknown, we assume he is dead. I have added a shot of London in the background burning that Janet will look back on to show that it is a massive attack on England and not directed at the train specifically.
2) Why is Rick going the Edinburgh: Before the feedback I didn’t put thought into why Rick was initially heading to Edinburgh. So now I have come up with the idea to link the accident which killed Frankie to the place by saying they were on holiday in Edinburgh when it happened and he decides to go back to say goodbye to Frankie properly and start a new life up there so he can be close to her.
3) Introduce more character dynamics: I was told that in the actual outline I don’t distinguish the characters enough and should add a bit more description on their backstories. I didn’t have a lot of words to play with as I am now coming up to maximum amount of words so I have added just a few bits into their introductory scene:
Rick is accompanied by, courageous Hayley (25) who is travelling for a better life. Janet (35) and Phil (38), who have been married for 11 years, they wear designer clothes. It’s clear that Janet is the one in control. They are with their introverted son, Liam (10).